To be anyoning like Zim!
1. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist that you "like it that way".
2. Drum on every available surface.
3. Remove every line of someone's .newsrc file except the entry for alt.sex.fetish.hamster.duct-tape.
4. Sing the Batman theme incessantly
5. Staple papers in the middle of the page
6. Ask 800 operators for dates
7. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
8. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks
9. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
10. Write the surprise endig to a novel on its first page
11. Specify that your drive through order is "to go"
12. Set alarms for random times
13. Learn morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Bip Beeeep Bip..."
14. Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
15. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon
16. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
17. Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
18. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
19. Honk and wave to strangers
20. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange
21. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
22. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climatic parts of rental movies
23. Wear your pants backwards
24. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register
25. Begin all your sentences with"ooh la la!"
26. Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music"
27. Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-Cyrillic-landscape mode
28. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE
29. only type in lowercase
30. dont use any punctuation either
31. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets
32. Pay for your dinner with pennies
33. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes
34. Repeat everything someone says, as a question
35. Write "X-BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps
36. Inform everyone your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories
37. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times:
"Do you hear that?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
38. Light road flares on a birthday cake
39. Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley
40. Leave tips in Bolivian currency
41. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador"
42. Push all the flat Lego Pieces together tightly
43. At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks
44. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman Smells" until physically restrained
45. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One"
46. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read
47. Finish the 99 bottles of beer song
48. Sing the "This is the song that never ends...." song. (Ya know, Lamb Chops Play-along?)
49. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles
50. Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it
51. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no , wait, I messed up", and repeat
52. Drive half a block
53. Name your dog "dog"
54. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination
55. Ask people what gender they are
56. Reply to everything someone says eith "that's what YOU think"
57. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray
58. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl
59. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot"(THIS IS MY FAVORITE)
60. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curios that you don't want to fall of "in case the big one comes"
61. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with lysol
62. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies'"Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song
63.While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet
64. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day
65. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up
66. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September
67. Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim its a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A
68. Sit down in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down
69. Chew on pens you've borrowed
70. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance
71. Wear a LOT of cologne
72. Ask to "interface" with someone
73. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing"
74. Sing along at the opera
75. Mow your lawn with scissors
76. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
77. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy"
78. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend"
79. Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket"
80. Stars at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture"
81. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times
82. Scuff your feet on a dry shaggy carpet and seek out victims
83. Dot not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment
84. Never make eye contact
85. Never break eye contact
86. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears
87. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn
88. Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announce results
89. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice
90. Holler random numbers while someone is counting
91. Make appointments for the 31st of september
92. Invite lots of people to other people's parties
93. Don't bathe or wear deodorant EVER
94. Don't blow your nose...just sniff and drive everyone around you CRAZY.
95. Get ride of stones in your yard by vacuuming it.
96. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
97. When reaching for something, exclaim "Go Go Gadget Arm!"
98. Put everything you say "in theory".
99. Answer every sentence with "Why?"
100. Go to a fast-food restaurant, and before they ask what you want, say "Welcome to (restaurant). May I take your order please?"
101. Walk into a gift shop and yell "Where's my gift?"
102. On a long trip constantly ask "Are we there yet?"
103. Find a way to mention penguins in all of your sentences.
104. Walk into a store on Sunday and scream "Are you open Thursdays?"
105. After a person finishes saying alot, ask "What?"
106. Bring your own food with you into a restaurant, sit down and start eating.
107. 107. Always Always speak speak and and type type in in doubles doubles..
108. Bring your own matress to a hotel.
109. Constantly scream that Apocalypse is coming.
110. Pretend you're Kefka or some other megalomaniac.
111. At every chance you get, scream "Oh, my God! You killed Kenny! You bastard!"
112. Keep the car behind you from making the light.
113. Get drunk before PTA meetings.
114. At concerts or recitals, applaud at every pause.
115. Talk in rhyme all the time.
116. Leave the copy machine set to 99 copies, reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper.
117. In the memo field of all your checks write "for sensual massage."
118. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. If you don't have one, I'd recommend getting one solely for this purpose.
119. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
120. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
121. Practice making fax and modem noises.
122. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc." them to your boss.
123. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
124. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
125. Honk and wave to strangers.
126. Sing along at the opera.
127. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
128. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook and mutter something about "psychological profiles."
129. When in a store or mall, take every phone you see off the hook.
130. Tell your friends 5 days prior that you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
131. Put a cordless phone behind the T.V. When someone's watching, press the page button. Keep letting the phone beep until the person figures out what's going on.
132. Go to a drivethru at night with about five people in your car. Have everyone start screaming their order until it gets to the point where the worker can't distinguish what anyone's saying. When they finally say to pull up to the window, have the other people get out of the car (make sure the worker can't see you) and drive up to the window by yourself.
How to order a pizza...Zim style
1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that
2. Make up a charge card name. Ask if they accept it
3. Use CB lingo where applicable
4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal
5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation"
6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder
7. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
8. Answer their questions with questions
9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful
10. Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST FREE-SPIRITED, COST-EFFICIENT, UKRAINIAN and PUCE
11. Ask for a deal available someone else. (e.g. IF phoning Domino's ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!) 12-Ask what the order taker is wearing
13. Crack your knuckles into the receiver
14. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you
15. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask you would you like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented
16. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up
17. Make a list of exotic cuisine's. Order them as toppings
18. Change your accent every 3 seconds
19. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper
20. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters"
21. Tell them to put the crust on top this time
22. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets"CD
23. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out
24. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread"
25. Stutter on the letter "p"
26. Play Mary had a Little Lamb and Hot Cross Buns with the phone, and ask the order taker to stop
Pause where there are spaces
Mary had a little lamb 3-2-1-2 3-3-3 2-2-2 3-3-3 3-2-1-2 3-3-3-3 2-2 3-3 1
Hot cross buns 3-2-1 3-2-1 3-3-3-3 2-2-2-2 3-2-1
27. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK That'll be $10.99; Please pull up to the next window"
28. Rent a pizza
29. Order while using an electric knife sharpener
30. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief
31. Put the accent on the last syllable of pepperoni. Use the long "i" sound
32. Have your pizza "shaken not stirred"
33. Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)?" When they say yes, say "Well, so it is! You've got some explaining to do!" When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact, (Pizza Place), start to cry and ask "Do you know what it's like to be lied to?"
34. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs
35. Tell them to double check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead
36. Imitate the order takers voice
37. Eliminate verbs from your speech
38. When they say "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh you mean now"
39. Play a sitar in the background
40. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her
41. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music
42. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."
43. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.
44. Try to talk while drinking something.
45. Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and... action!"
46. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
47. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
48. Be vague in your order.
49.When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
50. If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.
51. After ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.
52. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying,"This may be my last entry."
53. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.
54. Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
55. Say "Kssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that.
56. Detect the order taker's psychic aura. Use it to your advantage.
57. While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act embarrassed.
58. Engage in some serious swapping.
59. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word."
60. Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired.
61. If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.
62. Ask if the pizza has had its shots.
63. Order a steamed pizza.
64. Get taker's name. Later, call exactly on the hour to say, "This is your (time of day) wake-up call, So-and-so." Hang up.
65. Offer to pay for the pizza with a public flogging.If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker...
66. ...Say, in your best pouty voice, "Last guy let me do it."
67. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.
68. Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play it.
69. Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.
70. Perfect a celebrity's voice. Stress that you won't take any crap from some two-bit can't-hack-it pimple-faced gofer.
71. Put them on hold.
72. Teach the order taker a secret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.
73. Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'."
74. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
75. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?"
76. When youre given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. " I hate math."
77. Haggle.
78. Order a one-inch pizza.
79. Order term life insurance.
80. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"
81. Order with a Speak-n-Spell where applicable.
82. Order Chinese food.
83. Call just to find out what the weather will be like the next day.
84. When asked for your phone number, give them theirs.
85. SHOUT, whisper, SHOUT, whisper (i.e. I would LIKE a MEDIUM peperoni PIZZA)
86. Hack and cough after every three words.
87. When they pick up say "That's it! I'm calling the police."
88. Breath heavily into the mouth piece, one word every 2 breaths.
89. Place a very complicated order, then say "This is (another pizza place's name), right?" When he says "No", say "Oh, nevermind then." And hang up.
90. Have someone yelling different toppings from across the room, scratch the order every so often. i.e.
You- "topping, topping"
Other person- "NO!! topping"
You- "Scratch that. Topping, topping."
Other person- "NO! I can't eat that! topping"
You- "Wait, I guess not. topping, topping."
91. Call in and say "I love green peppers, but I can't eat them because..." Make up some sickness or reasons why you can't eat green peppers. Then, explain in detail what happened last time you have them. (barfed out guts, almost died, was rushed to the hospital etc. etc.)
You've had too much Invader Zim when...
...you apply Zim quotes to everyday life.
...your entire schedule depends on what time the show comes on.
...you go to ALL the Zim fan sites.
...you call your bus driver "Bus slave"
...you hail a taxi and you accidentally call the driver "Presumptuous Cab Beast".
...you actually sit at your computer and read this junk.
...you have an intense fear of bees.
...you refer to you vehicle as your "voot runner"
...you scream, "Pathetic! Pathetic earth vehicle!" when your car breaks down
...your hard drive is loaded with so much Zim stuff that your computer is considerably slower.
...you have your very own SIR.
...you post messages at an insane rate on IZ message boards.
...you cry after eating something yummy and tell it how much you miss it
...you tape every episode and then memorize each one.
...you sing the doom song to your friends whether they want to hear it or not.
...a small dog walks up to you, and you scream, "MADNESS!"
...you threaten someone by telling them to "Obey the fist".
...you draw little doodles of ZIM characters during boring school lectures.
...you go nuts when NICK doesn't show ZIM when they are supposed to
...you make a list of all your favorite ZIM quotes.
...you have a ZIM shrine in your room
...you look in the yellow pages to find Bloaty's Pizza Hog.
...you are convinced that ZIM really is among us
...you hate monkeys...especially scary ones.
...you make your own ZIM fan site.
...you have puffer fish in front of your house
...you try to steal your neighbor's electricity
...you're afraid of what might be in peas
...you've coordinated a system of what character you recite quotes from, corresponding
with what color shirt you're wearing that day.
...you've memorized the theme tune, including sound effects.
...you sit here all afternoon thinking of quotes for this site!
...you sing "rain rain rain" whenever it rains.
...you laugh in biology when learning about the human body, while screaming "RAHAHAHAHARG! INFERIOR HUMAN ORGANS!"
...you voluntarily mutate your hamsters just to call them "PEEPI!"
...you have a constant craving to "obey the taco man!"
...you act like GIR.
...you searched every store for a straght-faced shirt identical to Dib's.
...you sing the doom song so much that your friends keep a roll of duct tape handy to shut your mouth with.
...you tape every IZ episode hoping to get more out of it.
...you can do almost perfect impressions of the characters' voices
...you're beginning to wonder what your best friend's ability to conduct electricity is.
...you REALLY want one of those little backpack thingies ZIM has.
...you submit as many things as you can to this list.
...you've mastered the ZIM game on Nick.com.
...your computer shutoff noise is ZIM saying "Okay, I think I've had enough of these horrible stink people things for today"
...your vocabulary for humans consists of "sad little earth monkeys, meatbags, and stupid stinking humans"
...you start your day by saying "I think I will act like GIR today..."
...you tap your pencil to the tune of the theme song in class
...you can't stop suggesting "Let's make biscuits!
...you have a "ZIM side".
...you are suspicious of babies.
...every day you go into Hot Topic asking if they have ZIM merchandise yet.
...when someone asks you what you want to be when you grow up, you reply with "Lord of all humans!"
...you say your last rain was delicious and you refuse to go out into it.
...you evaluate "pathetic eaerth vehicles" instead of just playing the license plate game.
...you insist on being addressed as "Invader (insert name)"
...you tell your sister in track meets to "run as fast as those pathetic meat posts will carry you!"
...you twitch when you see a moose
...you've finished the list
...you write when Invader ZIM will come on on your calendar even though you know when it will come on.
...you dedicate your locker to Dib and ZIM.
...your friend can't decide which transportation they want to take, and you say, "What...about...the..bus..."
...you use two fingers, mainly your middle and index fingers, to do everything, just like Red and Purple, the Almighty Tallest.
...you laugh like GIR without even trying.
...you have made dolls of all the characters
...you have IZ drawings in your room and in your school locker.
...you vote every day on nick.com to win an Invader ZIM shirt
...you run around the house screaming "Invader ZIM is on!" like GIR
...instead of saying "I dunno", you always say "I DON'T know," like GIR
...your teacher gives you alot of homework and you say "WHY MUST THIS BE?"
...you are over-dramatic in everything you do.
...you cover your binder with ZIM pics you printed off the net
...you dress up as a character from IZ for halloween
...your whole Christmas list consists of ZIM merchandise
...you can mimic all the ZIM episodes and you do it constantly
...you tell your teacher you need to go to the nurse because a pencil is lodged in your brain
...you laugh like ZIM without even realizing it
...your friends tell you you're obsessive and bemused
...your teacher looks at you after you quote from ZIM and asks "Are you okay?"
...you constantly yell, "Hi Baby!"
...you get points taken off in science for writing "Prof. Membrane" instead of "cell membrane"
...you put bacon in your soap
...you say your friends are "fired" when they grow on you too much
...you go into video game stores and ask for "Vampire Piggy Hunter".
...you accidentally call your teacher "Ms. Bitters" on occasion
...you decide to change your entire desktop theme dedicated to ZIM! (startup, default, wallpaper,etc)
...you seriously go out and buy character-themed clothing
...you say "~Gasp~ A colony of horrible rat people!" when a group of people you do not like approaches you
...you run around screaming, "I WILL UNLEASH SCREAMING TEMPORAL DOOM!"
...you sit alone in the cafeteria and never eat.
...you dye your hair permanantly black just to look like Dib
...you have dedicated each day of the week to your favorite IZ character.
...you spend a little time each day trying to slither through the air like Ms. Bitters does.
...you tell your teacher that you have had a sufficient amount of "sunlight" and "oxygen" when coming in from recess.
...there is a strange green kid in your class who insists that he has a "skin condition".
...you put gobs of gel in your hair trying to shape it into that perfect scythe like Dib's..
...you mimic Jhonen's every move.
...you go to UDF and ask for a shake flavored chocolate bubblegum or cherry doom.
...you dye your hair purple and decide that gothic is the latest trend
...you run around and dance, saying "I'm dancin' like a monkey!"
...your skin suddenly becomes green.
...you decoded the Irken language.
...you got red contacts and dyed your skin green.
...you purposely got leprosy in order to lose your nose and ears
...you tried to find someone by the last name of membrane
...you found them.
...you made a laser from a microwave and a fork.
...you found Jhonen's address and now you keep on mailing him everyday.
